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Do you feel as though you get lost in a crowd? Or when you are with a group of your friends you just can’t seem to get a word in? Or when you do, you feel like you are an idiot or that your words are somehow an inconvenience to be heard?  I know I was like this. And, if I am honest, I still can be at times.  I use a cloak of invisibility and I hid behind traits in my human design chart as an excuse not to be seen in my day to day life and in my business

Truth is, I want my business to be super successful, but I have never really been sure of ending up like “another one of those celebrities”.  In fact, in some of the entrepreneur groups online, I have been called “a best keep secret” which I shrugged off.  You can’t be a secret if you want to make an impact.  You need to be seen.

Face to face. Online. Working for others, working for yourself, invisibility affects many of us.

Learning to be invisible – as a way of protecting myself

Growing up, I always had way too much attention without ever doing much.  When I was 7 or so, I changed schools and the music teacher recognised my skill in singing.  I picked up lead roles for the last 4 years of primary school doing what I loved.  I even was placed first in regional competitions.  But I could feel it.  The “why is she getting picked again”, the “why not me’s” the “It’s Michelle being xxx again”.  So, I stopped showing up. In my last year of primary school, I checked out, I stopped learning the words for songs, because I no longer enjoyed it.  I took on board the hatred from my peers and internalised it.  Kids can be so cruel. And I didn’t have the emotional resilience then to deal with that.

I deliberately chose a school out of the area. Why, because I knew, even at 10 years of age I wanted a fresh start. Away from the kids who were so mean to me. I worked really hard begging my mum for tutoring for the exams. Tutoring my mum couldn’t afford, so she did the next best thing – she recruited my Aunt to mentor me.  The other kid’s whose parents could afford the tutoring teased me more, saying I would never get in. It made me more determined.

I aced those exams. I got my fresh start.  When the term started, a fresh wave of torture began.  I was a poor kid at a posh school. With meal pass, with the cheap shoes, you know the kind of kid who didn’t belong. But I did belong. I never had to work for those grades I got. I could feel the same bitter hatred again boiling up. These girls were actually jealous of me.  So I reclused. Just did the work and got out. I hated every moment of it.  Then a serious amount of bullying started that spilled into my life at home and on the bus on the way home.

Most days, I spoke to no one, bar the teachers and the bus driver. It was solitary. It was a sad way to live. I emotionally checked out of school, turning my interest to boys, and other forms of “experiential life”.

I never really had to look far for that either.

As a 15-year-old, I had developed breasts and the curvy figure of a woman much earlier than my friends.  I was sought after by boys my own age and married men alike.  These were not my finest days, nor were they my most pleasant.

I remember clearly locking myself in my bedroom away from one suitor for weeks, hoping it would take the hint.  One evening, he scaled the roof to my room to see where I was hiding. I told him to clear off,  I closed the window, drew the curtains and cried myself to sleep.  I still find this somewhat ironic as I write this as a 6/2 profile in human design, who is “on the roof” and still being called down daily.

By becoming invisible, I have been protecting myself against unwanted attention.  Unfortunately, my subconscious had now a taste for it and decided that life isn’t safe for me to be seen.

Being an enigma as a way of meeting my social needs

Even at 15, I was really self-aware. I journaled, I wrote poems and meditated. I performed weird rituals on myself to protect myself from the energy of others. I didn’t have words for them then. No one told me about them. I just knew.  I recognised the power of music and dancing in liberating my emotions.  But most importantly, I understood that need for connection with others and learning from the stories of my elders.

But, I had this fear.  This fear of being bullied and picked on.  As I grew, I kept my soul close. I skirted around the edges of all the social circles I played in.  There are few to this day who understand me or know all the pieces to my story.

Looking back now, in light of what I understand about myself, I realise I was creating all my relationships at a distance to protect myself from hurt.

It is safer not to be seen. It is safer to hide myself away. Even now I know from my human design chart, I have an undefined G centre, I am a chameleon in a group. I have an undefined emotional solar plexus, so I can pick up on others emotional projections and even fear of me and I am still learning to screen myself from that.  But, I also know, that my past experiences have coloured the way I interpret that energy from others – sometimes I can’t see or feel it correctly. I misinterpret things based on what happened before.  So, I don’t always follow up with potential friends.

So, growing up into my 20s and 30s, I have reinforced that being visible isn’t safe for me.  This isn’t ideal if you are trying to build a business!!!

 

How invisibility plays out in my business

I have used several cloaks of invisibility.  I am Dr Michelle, I am a nutritionist, I am X, Y, Z, I work for this company or that.  But never Michelle. Nope never.

Most of my coaching work comes from word of mouth or social media (Facebook, and Instagram) and for a while, I was getting super frustrated that although I knew people were looking at my pages, I felt invisible.

The more I saw promo post after promo post-flop. I could feel the exact same emotions from my teens play out. So, what did I do?

I shouted louder. I posted my offers in more online groups, I cut my prices and kept pushing and pushing.

By cutting my prices each week, I slowly shaved off the last of my self-worth. Acting out with multiple non-sense stories and not following my human design strategy.  The story of  “I never wanted you to get close. I never wanted you to see my vulnerabilities – in case you seen I was weak and picked on me again”.

 

After playing this out for 2 months, I realised that something needed to change. The songs that marked my later teen years started to pop up in the radio, I knew then where I needed to dig to free up this layer – the Michelle of the late 90’s and 2000s.  I also knew that I needed to start focusing again on my strategy and authority, with a lens of how my past experiences were influencing my choices now.

 

Human design and invisibility in your business.

There are several areas in my human design chart that highlight my likelihood to be invisible – past experiences aside.  For me it is my unmotorised throat centre, my defined will, and my open G centre.  Other energy centres also have an impact, so learning what way your centres show up for you is key in this experiment.

Having an undefined throat centre or a throat centre with no energy will help you to show up showing when no one sees you. And no one will see you if you haven’t used your strategy to interact.  This is just the way the energy goes.  More shouting doesn’t get you seen. It just makes you an annoyance!! #truth!

I use the following affirmation when I get that pressure to shout out

“even though I have a valuable contribution to make, I wait to share it at the correct time”

Having a defined will centre, you will use all your energy pushing through when you haven’t listened to your own inner authority.  This makes me feel flat, have no energy and basically feel like my efforts are in vain. Ultimately, I feel worthless when I play the game this way.

When I listen to my inner authority and live my strategy, life opportunity and leads flow to me (I am a generator, if you are the other type, you may have to wait like me or you may need to act).

“I am worthy and my existence confirms my message is of value to the world”

If you have an undefined will centre, are not immune to the effects of having this energy centre open, you will easily erode your self worth for the chance at pleasing someone else.  Being aware of this is key, even if you don’t know how to combat it yet.

I already mentioned that having an open G makes you a chameleon in groups, it also affects your lovability.  Imagine trying to be seen, be visible and being ignored all the time. Eventually, you begin to believe that there is something fundamentally wrong with you.  The reason that you aren’t being seen is that you are trying to be everyone else in the group. When you start to own your uniqueness and the fact you are a lovable divine being while responding to what the group needs in the now, you will be recognised and seen.

“Even though in the past I have neglected to love myself, I completely love and honor myself and my journey now”

How I use my past to move through my limiting beliefs

But you aren’t the bullies from the bus, you aren’t my stalkers, you aren’t the people who emotionally tortured me.  And even if you are reading this, and you were one of those people then, well you aren’t now. We all change in light of our experiences good and bad alike (so you are still welcome here, honest). Chances are if you are still reading this, you have been invisible too.  What has this got to do with being invisible?

When we are stressed out, our flight or fight adrenaline and cortisol systems are ON!  We want to run away.  Even though the stress from the past isn’t in our life now, when we start to become more visible, those stress mechanisms can trigger as if they were.  Essentially we are “running away from opportunities”.

When this starts to show up for me I actually do go and run, to move some of that adrenaline that isn’t being produced for the correct reasons.  If I can’t run (hello, cos, kids, work, commitments whatever), I have a playlist on Deezer (when kids are going mad).  This doesn’t relate to the children I birthed, more to do with my own little versions of me.  I have a selection of songs from my past I dance to until one of them triggers me- then I know roughly what year to start looking for past triggers.

This is an ongoing process and if you arent comfortable doing this kind of work alone, I strongly suggest you work with a practitioner to guide you through.  This work is ongoing. At times it won’t be easy.  But I keep reminding myself, i own it to my future self to do this work, so I can show up for those who need me.

Are you ready to learn about how Quantum Alignment Coaching can help you feel recognised, valued and seen for who you truly are?

Quantum Alignment Coaching works through 9 keys which aid your resiliency and help you show up in the world as you authentically are.  I know first hand through my own journey through this coaching and through that of my clients that you can see significant improvements in your confidence by undertaking this work.  to find out if Quantum Alignment Coaching is for you book a complimentary chat today.